"CLAIMING THE HIGH C'S"
PART I
THE SHIP
In Him the whole building is joined together and rises
to become a holy temple in the Lord...
A dwelling place in which God lives by His Spirit.
(Ephesians 2:21-22, NIV.)
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CHAPTER 2
CARING
Boot-topping:
cleaning the upper part of a ship's bottom,
or that part which lies immediately under the surface of the water;
and paving over it with tallow,
or with a mixture of tallow, sulphur, resin, etc.1
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It is encouraging to remember that Jesus NEVER asks His followers to do something impossible! We will always have the ability to love another person.
How did Christ show His love?
 God commendeth His love toward us,
in that, while we were yet sinners,
Christ died for us.
(Romans 5:8, KJV.)
YES, on the high seas of life, real love is… having the courage to care.
YES, on the high seas of life, real love is… having the courage to care.
What does the Bible say about love?
What does Christ say?
A new commandment I give unto you,
as I have loved you,
that ye also love one another.
By this shall all men know
that ye are my disciples,
if ye have love one to another.
(John 13:34-35.)
This is my commandment,
That ye love one another,
as I have loved you.
These things I command you,
that ye love one another.
(John 15:12,17.)
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CARING2
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WHEN YOU CARE for someone. . .
You are patient with them
And kind.
If something goes well for them,
You aren't filled with envy.
And likewise, if you care,
You do not boast about your successes
Or become ego-centered or overly proud.
WHEN YOU CARE for someone. . .
You are courteous to them, never rude.
You think about what would be good or helpful;
There is no self-seeking.
The caring we show is easily delightful,
Not easily angry or gruff.
We forget the wrongs and petty hurts.
We remember how much we care,
and caring. . .
Overpowers all the other feelings.
WHEN YOU CARE for someone. . .
You rejoice with them in truth and love.
Why would you do otherwise?
You want no evil to befall them.
WHEN YOU CARE for someone. . .
You will protect them if necessary,
Trust in them and your relationship,
And hope without seeing why.
You will continue caring
And persevere through the hard times.
WHEN YOU CARE for someone. . .
You know that to care is to love.
Based upon I CORINTHIANS 13:4-73
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WHAT IS LOVE? |
Webster4 defines love as a deep and tender feeling of affection or attachment or devotion. In personal relationships, love is often accompanied with good will or actions to benefit another. To say, "I love chocolate" or "I love jazz" removes beneficial action toward another person and places the importance of the word upon "feelings" and the attachment or attraction one feels for something. Yes, we might benefit ourselves by eating a piece of chocolate or listening to soft jazz, but love goes beyond even healthy self-care.
I Corinthians 13 (in any version of the Bible) gives the very best definition.
…And now these three remain: Faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
This set of words concerning love comes immediately after a discussion of spiritual gifts in I Corinthians 12. God is showing a model of excellence… here is a best way. Here is where the focus should be. Yes, you have a personality, spiritual giftedness, and passion… but don't forget that love is what tops them all!
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and
live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up
for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God…
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.
Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all
goodness, righteousness and truth)…
For it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is
said: "wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will
shine on you." Be very careful, then, how you live- not as
unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity,
because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but
understand what the Lord's will is.
(Ephesians 5:1-2, 8-9, 14-17. NIV.)
And what is God's Will?
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery.
Instead, be filled with the Spirit.
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.
Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,
always giving thanks to God the Father for everything,
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
(Ephesians 5:18-21. NIV.)
Would you join with us in prayer?
Lord, Father God, who art in heaven…
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy Kingdom, Thy will be done…
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread...
Let us see and accept the daily love You lay before us
Teach us today to love, to begin to act like You.
We willingly open ourselves to love.
We willingly open ourselves to care… To really care.
And we give You all the praise and glory and honor.
In Jesus' precious name.
Amen.
EVERYDAY LOVE?
What does everyday love look like in a family? Ephesians 6:1-4 is all about family. For an abundant life, children and parents are called to honor, respect and care for one another.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother-
which is the first commandment with a promise-
"that it may go well with you
and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Fathers, do not exasperate your children;
Instead, bring them up
in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-4 is also about all types of relationships.
To foster healthy connections obey the rules and laws.
Treat others with respect and kindness (care?).
Model and thereby teach... love, love, love.
"Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you."
Claim the Law of Christ as your ship's banner and let it fly proudly over every ocean.
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LOVE LANGUAGES
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Since God has created each person to be unique and gifted each individual personality with special talents and the possibility of having a multi-faceted purpose, then the individual will probably have one or more different or unique ways of loving.
Gary Chapman writes that there are five languages we use to love.6 It's easier to understand if you just think for a moment about what you like most to receive from other people. What is it you MOST value?
Time
Touch
Words
Gifts
Actions
Have you ever thought of this before?
What is your favorite language? Or do you have a combination?
The first time Bill and Karen heard about these languages it was a surprise! "You mean it's OK to have a different language? It's OK to like different things?" Of course we are different, special and unique… so why shouldn't our preferences for being loved also be special or unique?
Think about these five languages and how people in your family like to be loved.
How does your youngest child like to be loved? How does your oldest child like to be loved? Think about anyone in your life and you'll probably realize they all have some preferences.
What's language?
Language is an organized, systematic, learnable way to communicate. So there's hope! You can learn a new language. It's often more difficult for "older" people or those with limited exposure, but IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE!
It may not be easy, but you can learn another person's language. Would you want to go through all of life unable to speak with your neighbor? Or the person living in the same house as you? If you lived with a blind person, would you be willing to learn Braille? If you lived with a deaf person, would you be willing to learn American Sign Language? Are you willing to learn a new language to show, really show, how much you care?
On board a ship there are different languages that keep everything working "ship-shape". New terminology, new ways of working, new attention to detail... all of these are parts of the systematic manner of combining the characteristics of the multiple professions needed for living and working upon the seas. To put it simply: life at sea can be difficult. Without language, a ship could sink!
So much of what we do, or say, or think, depends upon our human will or attitude... What we place a high value upon. Often personal independence comes out high on the list of values. But should it? How highly would you rank the Captain's Will or Word? Are you willing to learn a new language of love, if it is something important to God?
Discovery...
How do you discover your love language or another person's? Investigate. Ask questions. Try loving through one of these languages and see what happens. Practice, practice, practice, and experiment. Even if another person's language is foreign to you, you can learn it. Remember the step-by-step process? Just begin. And one small step at a time, you can achieve something great.
As the authors began to investigate their caring for one another and for family members, they were able to distinguish their own languages. Yes, we each love, but we do it differently.
Bill speaks through words and experiences. Experiences could mean time or actions.
Karen speaks through gifts and actions… she wants to see something.
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YES, WE'RE DIFFERENT!
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Here's the true story of how Bill and Karen began to realize they spoke in different languages.
During our first year of marriage, as Valentine's Day approached, Bill began to tell Karen all the wonderful things he was going to do to celebrate. He spoke in flowery terms and visions of romance and presents filled Karen's mind. Oh, what wonder, to be loved so generously… all her dreams were going to be fulfilled.
The great day of expectation finally arrived and Karen was filled with hope of what Bill was going to do. He had told her so many things were going to happen… but the day progressed and nothing appeared. When the early winter darkness fell, a tired Bill finally came home from work. Were those presents weighing down his arms? No, it was a brief case. Karen had prepared a wonderful dinner and worked for days painting a Valentine's card for Bill. But he had nothing for her. He had no gifts. He had no plans. He said: "I love you." Then he gathered her into his arms… The hug was very short, because Karen began to pull away.
Can you imagine the hurt Karen experienced? To Karen, blessing and caring for another person meant that you are aware of what's important or pleases the other person. You go out-of-you-way to show how much you care. Basically, Karen thought you love through giving something of yourself.
Now Bill also thought that love was giving of yourself. Look at all the words he shared. He showered Karen with his words and thought that would satisfy.
Karen and Bill had to recognize this truth: People you love do not always speak like you. Maybe they have a completely different language from your family. Yes, when a man and woman get married, they are coming from different places, almost different lands, where different languages have been spoken for years.
It's not wrong to have a different language. In fact, you could think of it as a special opportunity from God for you to learn something wonderful. A way to speak that is totally unselfish. A way of love that lifts up another person. A way to live that truly says: "You are really important to me. I will put aside my way of doing things, and put you first." This is the way God loves us. He put aside everything when He gave Jesus as a ransom for us. This is love. This is true caring.
So did Bill ever get Karen a present on that first Valentine's Day? No, he did not. Yet their marriage continues and they repeatedly learn how to love one another. It isn't something that happens just once. We can learn and improve all the years of our lives.
It's OK to change...
There are times when Karen truthfully does not want a gift! Instead, she wants time or touch. And there are times when Bill even wants to give gifts. When we bless someone else, we grow and develop new ways of interrelating. It's not impossible for even our languages to change.
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Disclaimer: Love Yourself
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Read the Scriptures mentioned here...
II Corinthians 3:18... we are transformed into His likeness.
Romans 6:11-14... offer ourselves to God.
Galatians 5:13... do not destroy yourself.
For all "believers" there is a vital need to realize who we are in Christ Jesus. Many do not know who they are called to be! The lies of Satan, and his followers, have been believed and often we accept a view of ourselves as being not quite good enough or "garbage". All these lies can make things pretty confusing.
It is vital for believers to begin to change their beliefs and actions in three areas based upon Scriptures. Specifically, Ephesians 4:22-24ff.
1) Put off the old belief and action "system".
2) Renew one's mind in the Word.
3) Put "faith" into action; bring forth praise and glory to God for all eternity.
Our bodies are the temple of God, the Holy Spirit. Real love, really caring and having concern for that body, demands believing and acting upon Truth.
Yahweh is Lord God, not we ourselves. He indwells us and so we are called to care for His temple; that He may be honored, praised, and gloried in and through us. "Miscare" can denote contempt, not just for self, but also for the indwelling presence.
Two examples of "miscare" can be seen in the health of James Dobson, of Focus on the Family, and Knofel Staton, past President of Pacific Christian College/ Hope International University. Both men suffered heart attacks perhaps from heavy and stressful workloads. They were forced to "slow down". They were forced to take the time and use the wisdom God gave to each of them to refocus on God and His Will in their lives. They were forced to change some hurtful/unhealthy personal habits. This is real love for God, shown forth in real love for themselves.
We, too, are seeking to be all that God leads us to be, and we are called to model healthy and loving, eternal relationships with our Creator, Father God. If He loves us, we must follow His example, and do everything possible to be a gift to Him of holiness through Christ Jesus. He gives us privilege and purpose... inclusive love for all people. Let's step forward sharing His care.
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REAL LOVE
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There is perhaps an infinite number of ways to express love. As Christians we are often encouraged to work on our agape love: unselfish care for another person. Sometimes however, we can get caught in the "should haves", "could haves", "if only I had" dilemmas. This can be another area for growth.
One example of this practice of real love can be seen in my personal approach to marriage. Because my growing up years were spent in a family where my mother and father were constantly fighting (or so it seemed to a child), I made a commitment that I would work on my marriage and make it "good". I would nurture and care for this relationship above all other human interactions. I would put practical acts of love into this relationship. My marriage would have a really high priority.
If you are married now, or if you are dating someone, then you know about the energy put into a relationship as it begins. You go out of your way to do nice things and say nice things. You often put the other person first, and lay aside the things you want to do. You might even change your mind about something, because you want the relationship to be smooth. Many people change churches or political parties to please or be in "sync" with someone for whom they care. In some ways it could be considered giving up your personal rights in order for the love between you to grow. Isn't that amazing?
But as a marriage relationship or friendship matures, as time goes by, the zest and the thrill can dissipate like fog on a summer morning. You may become bolder about expressing your wants and desires. You may eventually become demanding. Things can escalate into heated demonstrations of power: domestic violence, random shootings, killer rages, and even suicide are examples of this dynamic. Love can lose its supremacy and the feelings or need to "win the battle" can come to the forefront. What can be done?
Practicing love, learning how to be a real servant of Jesus, the in the trenches dirty work of loving or caring for others, takes time and effort. The good news (!) is that you and I can do it. And practicing and expressing love will lead to genuine feelings of love, which can become the habituated way of life. The first small action of this type of love may seem insincere or fake. And many times you or I may fail to do some act of love because we think it will cause us to appear foolish or there may be a fear of appearing weak or being rejected.
Nevertheless, acting on Godly impulses to love, expressing genuine love and appreciation or gratitude, is one of the most restoring activities you can personally practice (Salsbury, 1995).
♥ Practice this action of love, real love, by creatively listing 15 unique ways you could express agape love to someone in your family, or a friend or work associate, or someone like the clerk at your grocery market.
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♥ As an additional exercise to reinforce these actions you have chosen above, now find a trusted friend with whom you can share and talk about these ideas and brainstorm 15 or more additional ideas.
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Writing down ways to love others and talking about such ideas with a friend, will greatly increase the likelihood of doing them. Such gifts of love will bless you and the ones to whom you give.
Our hearts rejoice and soar as we practice loving others.
♥ Practice further this concept of practical expressions of love by now naming people who need to be recipients of your Godly caring. Pray for God to put people in your mind, those to whom He would like you to express love.
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The entire law is summed up in a single command:
"Love your neighbor as yourself."
If you keep on biting and devouring each other,
Watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
Galatians 5:14-15 (NIV)
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CHAPTER TWO NOTES
1 Glossary of nautical terms. 2004. (Circa 1814). 2004.
www.psych.usyd.edu.au/vbb/woronora/maritime/Glossary.html
2 Luce, Karen. 1990. Caring. Seattle, Washington: Burden Bearers.
3 The Holy Bible. King James Version.
4 Ibid., pg 838.
6 Chapman, Gary. 1992. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment. Chicago: Moody Publishers.
7 Adams, Jay E. 1973. The Christian Counselor's Manual. Grand Rapids: Ministry Resources Library (Zondervan Publishing House). pg 119ff.
8 Gottman, John and Silver, Nan. 1999. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown Publishers, Inc.
9 Staton, Knofel. 2003. The Biblical Liberation of Women for Leadership in the Church. Eugene, Oregon: Wipf and Stock Publishers, pg 74.
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