"CLAIMING THE HIGH C'S"
PART I
THE SHIP
In Him the whole building is joined together and rises
to become a holy temple in the Lord...
A dwelling place in which God lives by His Spirit.
(Ephesians 2:21-22, NIV.)
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CHAPTER 3
COMMUNICATION
Thus!:
An order to the helmsman,
to keep the ship in her present situation,
when sailing with a scant wind.1
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Communication forms the main deck of our ship.
A few nautical terms that might apply to communication include the following:
"All hands on deck" means everyone must pay attention; the Captain has something important to share, and the crew should be ready for action. For the ship to "run" smoothly, all persons on board need to listen.
"Clear the decks," tells everyone to keep them clean, especially if trouble arises.
A clean surface could mean that nothing is hidden! There are no secrets waiting to trip somebody.
"Hit the deck" either refers to getting up and going (like in the morning) or quickly lying down on the floor to avoid possible harm. Love in action: that's real communication.
ENHANCED MEANING
Opinions differ, but here is one way of summarizing the impact of the words we use in communication and the percentage of remembrance or impact.
 1) Words alone…………………………………………………... 10%
2) Words with tone………………………………………………. 20%
3) Words accompanied with non-verbal enhancement………. 70%
When something catches our attention, we remember much better. Even the tone in which words are spoken adds meaning. And meaning, when we add our own personal interpretation or significance, suddenly makes the words come alive.
Words can really touch us. They may seem true, even if they aren't. They affect us. When our bodies are entirely engaged in the communication process, when we use tone and other non-verbal means to convey meaning, then we can be sure that the message is making an impact.
Communication Examples
EXAMPLE ONE: When our grandson, Caleb, was born, the reality of communication difficulties was seen. A newborn baby does not speak! This baby cried, but there were no words. Everything was said through tone. As Caleb grew, his ability to communicate increased. He could add volume to his crying. As his eyes focused, he was able to see people and then he began to mimic their facial expressions. He began to produce small frowns and little smiles, and then besides crying, he could giggle and finally laugh. Somehow he seemed to know how to communicate, but his skill increased immeasurably in just a few months.
Think about yourself. Are your communication skills growing? Are you able to laugh or cry? If not, can you begin to practice with a small giggle or hushed moan?
EXAMPLE TWO: My sister, Marla, has her own peculiar way of letting her husband know how important something is. She uses nonverbal communication. If something is a little important or upsetting to her, she places her hands on her hips. If something is somewhat upsetting, she places her hands on her waist. But if something is really important, or it upsets her to a high degree, then her hands go up above her waist, usually right below her armpits. Try to visualize this and you'll see and understand that over time, her non-verbal communication has helped get her points across to the viewer/hearer.
How about you? Are you using nonverbal communication skills? Or do you believe gestures or facial expressions belong to only a few ethnic minorities? Ask someone who knows you. With skill you can enhance communication with physical emphasis.
Problems in Communications...
What do messages need to get across? Space. That is often the unknown "gap" that separates one person or one business or one country from another. We are trying to make a connection through a time and space "window" or is it an empty "void"?
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MORE PROBLEMS? |
Communication in Real Life...
Forget the win-lose scenario. Leave behind the "I have to win" attitude. God has not called you to this type of life. He has called you to be like Jesus… to be a servant who makes a difference in this world. To be an imitator of Jesus who glorifies God in everything you do. To be a person who believes and acts upon these beliefs. A person who actually knows that God's way is not always the most popular or easy, but it offers the best results. Eternal results. God glorifying results. (Hallelujah!)
This spiritual mindset and its reality of relationship with Messiah leaves behind the mundane world with its confusion and chaos, and senselessness. Why is it so important to win? Why is it sometimes so seemingly important that someone else be wrong?
Communication is not about trying to force your way onto another person. Communication is about sharing. Sharing. It's about being so generous that you can only be doing it through the power of God. He is allowing you to be unselfish. He is helping you be strong, so that you can be real.
Our mouths are conduits of communication linked to our brains, where thoughts and feelings and attitudes reside. We speak everyday and some people speak all day. We say good and bad things, helpful and derogatory things. What comes out of our mouths is what's inside our being. Maybe that surprises us?
Could our spoken words be the "real" person inside? Can we be that selfish or envious or mean spirited?
The Book of James says "Yes".
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body,
but it makes great boasts.
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
The tongue also is a fire,
a world of evil among parts of the body.
It corrupts the whole person,
sets the whole course of his life on fire,
and is itself set on fire by hell.
(James 3:5-8.)
Then James adds the reality of dichotomy.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father,
and with it we curse men,
who have been made in God's likeness.
Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.
My brothers, this should not be.
Can both fresh water and salt water
flow from the same spring?
My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives,
or a grapevine bear figs?
Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
(James 3:9-12.)
Communication is more than just words…
Communication is the heart and soul of a person… therefore it becomes the heart and soul of any relationship.
How do you talk with other people? How do you relate? And how do you talk and relate to God? Do you use big pompous words when you talk with your friends or children? Do you use long important sounding "intellectual" words or "archaic" phrases when you talk with co-workers, a boss, or God? What makes the difference?
Sometimes it seems we are trying to impress someone… even God. So we speak with flowery speech that really just hides our inner selves. We want to be protected. We don't really want God or anyone else to know what's going on. Maybe now we're realizing the truth: deep inside can we really be so fearful and unreceptive or ugly and evil?
People can be the meanest things on earth…
We can literally kill someone with our words. We can rip and tear and leave the bloody carcass of our victim lying on the street or before the pulpit. Or we sling words and then run out the front door as fast as possible. Sometimes our communication is not very nice. Sometimes we are not very nice.
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ADDITIONAL SCRIPTURES ON COMMUNICATION |
In the Book of Matthew, Jesus encourages communication.
If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault,
just between the two of you.
(Matthew 18:15, NIV)
"Real" communication is a one-on-one thing. At times it is meant to be deeply personal and private. No one else needs to know what you are talking about. So watch out for snoops or the urge to gossip.
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar
and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First go and be reconciled to your brother;
then come and offer your gift.
(Matthew 5:23-24, NIV.)
God is asking us to lay aside even our worship of Him in order to have communication with others. Our relationship with God is to take first place, to be of primary importance in our lives. But, He informs us that we cannot choose to ignore other people.
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WHAT'S GOOD COMMUNICATION? |
GOOD COMMUNICATION IS CLEAR.
Take the time, probably just a few moments, to think about what you are going to say. Silence helps you collect your thoughts. Are you expressing information, thoughts, or feelings, in a way that is easily understood? Talk in a way that is easy to comprehend. State your thoughts simply. Don't use big words and don't go on and on and on.
GOOD COMMUNICATION IS POSITIVE AND IN THE PRESENT.
Try to keep what you are saying from being hostile or full of accusation. Don't demand. If there is something that you would like to change, use positive wording and talk about the now (the present). Don't get bogged down in the past: what happened or should have happened. CAUTION: Don't just concentrate on what you want right now, this very moment, or what you wanted in the past. "Good" communication lifts up another person and focuses on the now.
GOOD COMMUNICATION IS CARING.
Focus on the other person. Ask if now is a good time to talk, or make an appointment for another time. Talking in private is the best way to show respect and love.
To make sure you are understood, ask the other person to paraphrase what you have said. If they are unclear about your communication, then repeat yourself. This will take time, but it shows you care.
Make "I" statements. "I feel…" or "I think…". These statements are not judgmental or accusing, and thus they are more likely to be heard and accepted. Be tuned in to the other person and watch their non-verbal communication.
GOOD COMMUNICATION IS POWERFUL.
Pray before you begin. Ask God to help you. This means you are connected to the real power source. Tell what you really want or think or feel. You are more likely to get what you want when you ask for it! Tell anything that is causing a disturbance. Lean forward… it helps someone else listen. Take a deep breath. Give the other person an opportunity to answer you. Please, don't run away.
SCRIPTURES TO HELP YOU, WHEN "STUFF" GETS HEAVY.
Here's some straight-forward communication.
There are Scriptures, what we call the Holy Word of God, which can assist us. These words, if accepted and spoken in faith, are able to get us through hard times. Words from the Bible have helped Bill and Karen through some really heavy "stuff".
Here are three additional Scriptures especially chosen to enlighten and empower you. We want to share the blessings we have received from them.
The first Scripture is II Timothy 1:7…
God does not give us the spirit of fear (timidity),
but the spirit of power, and love, and wisdom (a sound mind).
The second Scripture is Ephesians 4:29…
Don't use bad language!
Say only what is good and helpful to those you are talking to,
and what will give them a blessing.
Selfishness can be disguised in so many seemingly godly ways. "Well, I just have to set Jim straight." "Sue needs to know how much she hurt me." Maybe there are good motives behind such thoughts and words, but can these messages be delivered with love and care? Can these messages be true blessings?
Most times we get so caught up in righting a wrong that we forget about blessing other people.
God tells us to say only what is good and helpful. Period. Nothing else. But what about our feelings? Maybe our feelings are not true or maybe they get in the way of God being glorified?
Remember the spiritual war? Satan, that great deceiver, the father of lies, wants to steal, kill and destroy. He is working around you or in you to wreck relationships. He'll use any tactic to get the wrong message across. And yes, he can even deceive you into a feeling that has no basis in truth.
We encourage you to memorize this next Scripture. Then accept the blessing.
The third Scripture is I Peter 3:8-9…
Finally, be ye all of one mind,
having compassion one of another,
Love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing:
But contrariwise blessing:
Knowing that ye are thereunto called,
that ye should inherit a blessing.
Yes, God wants to bless you. He is communicating this through His Word.
Blessing is never Satan's desire.
GOOD COMMUNICATION IS...
CLEAR, POSITIVE AND IN THE PRESENT, CARING, POWERFUL, and according to Hebrews 13: 16, SACRIFICIAL and WELL PLEASING TO GOD.
BUT DO YOU WANT TO BE EVEN MORE EFFECTIVE IN YOUR COMMUNICATION?
Maybe you already knew these Scriptures? Have you spoken them out loud in faith? Or have you shared them with a friend? Have you practiced using these anointed words, even when things are going OK?
Or maybe you have done this already, but want to just learn more about talking with people and having meaningful conversations? Conversations in which you REALLY understand each other?
Read "The NINE WAYS FOR INCREASING EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION", in our book Claiming the High C's!
AND remember: Good communication is NOT a series of "put-downs", nor is it like a game of chess.
Good communication seeks to edify and build up people, thereby glorifying Creator God.
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GOOD AND BAD TECHNIQUES |
The BAD...
Have you ever been in a conversation with people who are ignoring you? Their eyes are constantly darting around the room. They don't seem to be focused on you or what you are saying. There is little or no eye contact. You can ask them a question and they ignore you. They just don't seem to hear what you are saying and they may even yawn in your face. A message is being conveyed: it is disrespect and a judgment of unimportance. Or persons may suddenly walk off without even a farewell.
The GOOD...
Or have you ever been in a conversation with people who are interested in what you have to say? Do they show honor and respect by listening? How? They ask questions. They give eye contact. They show interest through physical communication… like leaning toward you or looking straight at you. Maybe they smile at you? You know you are important because they are conveying that message.
These two types of communication are present nearly everyday in our lives. Some people will listen, some people will not. These represent good and bad communication techniques or skills, as well as politeness and rudeness. You can make a difference here. You can actually help other people with their techniques.
Using the powerful force of caring, you can gently and compassionately communicate what you are experiencing. Koinonia can be put into action!
OUR FIRM FOUNDATION
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WHO I AM IN CHRIST |
This is our foundation. It will not change. Our whole worth is summed up in Scripture. Yes, God is communicating to us. But we must receive His message… or we live in darkness.
To make Truth even more personal, use "I" statements when you quote Scripture. Here are four examples...
I am made perfect…I Peter 5:10
I am like a green olive tree…Psalm 52:8
I am gifted…Ephesians 4:8
I am reconciled to Christ…Colossians 1:20
Appendix A, in Claiming the High C's, presents 150 Scriptures under the title: Who I Am in Christ. These are promises God is trying to communicate to you.
When Scriptures are spoken out loud and visualized (as to how they pertain to our lives), that God's Word makes a strong impression on our hearts and minds.2 It isn't just in reading or memorizing God's Word that we are strengthened or the world is changed… No, it's when the Word is spoken in faith. That is when change takes place. This human reasoning concurs with Revelation 12:11...
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb,
and by the word of their testimony…
Through the action of Jesus Christ, His great sacrifice of passion on the cross, we are saved. Through Christ's blood and with our testimony we overcome Satan. A testimony is like any other communication. But if it is only verbal… than only about 10% is remembered. So if our testimony is spoken out loud, with tone and feeling, and if there is some accompanying action, then it is well remembered.
There are three major learning styles. These are also the primary ways in which our memories are assisted. The three learning styles are,
1. Auditory
2. Visual
3. Kinesthetic
If you want to remember something, if you want to begin to change your mind (or memory) about something, then you'll need all the help you can get. God has given each person these three powerful "assistants". Use them as memory or learning aids, and you'll be greatly blessed.
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COMMUNICATION: THE MAJOR AIM |
The major aim of communication should be to glorify God. Therefore, because God's Holy Word is one way in which He communicates with us, the speaking and sharing of Scripture should be one of the things that we communicate with others. Does this sound difficult? Begin in small ways, let God's Words just slowly infiltrate your thinking and speaking. Practice.
Read over the list "Who I Am in Christ" (Appendix A) and choose one verse that seems to suit you. Look it up in the Bible and examine the entire verse. Then take pencil and paper and draw how you see yourself in this verse. Don't try to make it really artistic. Just draw a simple representation… stick figures are perfect.
After you have finished your drawing, share in with a friend. It could be a buddy or a spouse or even a child. The important thing is that you share your drawing and the Scripture it represents. When you speak the Word and when you take the time to make a representative drawing, you are acting upon all three major learning styles. Therefore, the Word is now much more strongly imbedded within your mind. You will not readily forget this Scripture.
And as you share, guess what? You are helping someone else incorporate Scripture into their life, too. This is a great way to get children of all ages interested and connected with Scripture. You become a model of Divine excellence.
One further step in communication is to have the receiver transmit back to the sender what has been heard. Therefore, now the person to whom you have shared your verse and drawing should affirm you. This happens through direct eye contact, with words summarizing, acknowledging, supporting, restating and literally blessing you, the sender.
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The sooner we begin…
The sooner we will see blessings.
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An example of sharing.
Here's just a simple example of how two people can disclose something meaningful. For this example, one person is sharing significant Scripture.
Linda shares her chosen Bible verse with her husband… "I am so loved by God." She also shares her drawing: a skinny little stick figure enclosed within a big heart. This is how Linda sees herself loved by God.
Linda's husband, Fred, then affirms her. He speaks these words as he looks directly into her eyes.
"Yes Linda, you are so loved by God. This is true and your drawing exemplifies this Truth. You are so loved by God."
This type of listening is not difficult; it is easy to learn and put into practice. The reality is that most people don't follow through and actually bless others. In the example above, Fred proves that he was listening through understanding, recognizing and affirming his wife. Any of us can do this with friends, coworkers, neighbors, and family. We can even communicate such life-changing truths with our children. The sooner we begin, the sooner we will see the benefits… the blessings.
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| COMMUNICATE BLESSINGS
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Choose to love...
Move out of "PIF". Leave behind pride, ignorance, and fear. Yes, stop being afraid. Let go of stinginess and hoarding. Stop being selfish. God has so many blessings…too many blessings, for us to be afraid or prideful. So let's make the decision to share.
Communicate a blessing to someone today. OR communicate a blessing to everyone today.
What would happen in your home?
What would happen in your workplace or on the street? In America?
What would truly happen if all the people who say they are followers of Jesus Christ actually began blessing everyone around them?
We think America would change. Everyone would be totally taken by surprise. Wow! The effects would be almost unbelievable.
Can you step out of fear or ignorance today? Can you put aside pride? Plan to bless someone today. Choose some person, or choose several people, and go out of your way to bless them. God wants you to be a blessing of light (the Word) in this world.
Following is an "expanded" version of the relationship triangle (which is presented in Chapter Four of Claiming the High C's.)
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GENERATIONS
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What are generations and how do they affect me?
There are four generations present in society today: builders, boomers, busters, and bridgers.3 Each of these generations was born within approximately a twenty-year period.
The Builders...
The Builders were born before 1946 and experienced the depression, World War II, and the tremendous building up of the industrial society. The authors' parents were in the builders' generation.
The Boomers...
The Boomers (also referred to as the baby boomers) were born between 1946 and 1964. They were influenced by the events of the 60's and 70's, which were an idealistic and troubled time of change leading to the information society. The authors are part of this generation.
The Busters...
Many Boomers held off having children til late in life, and this led to the buster generation, also called generation X. Busters tend to be very radical, angry, and yet creative. The authors' children are part of this generation.
The Bridgers...
The current large generation of Bridgers, born in the boom times of the 90's, will come of age in the 21st century and therefore bridge two millennia. Bridgers are also known as the millennials. The authors have grandchildren in this generation.
Sow some respect and you'll reap wonderful benefits. Here are the "needs" of communication for each specific generation.
The Builders need to be honored for the legacy of society they have built. Boomers need to be encouraged to turn their idealism into a legacy in their own time. There's a real need to break through to Busters with stories and post-modern cultural language. Finally, Bridgers are looking for security in an unstable world. Jesus Christ can be the common ground and the Church a shared community for enabling inter-generational communication. Communication links us together. It is one of the most vital tools of health in marriage, family and community.
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CHAPTER THREE NOTES
1 Glossary of Nautical Terms. 2004. (Circa 1814).
www.psych.edu.au/vbb/woronora/maritime/Glossary.html
2 Meyer, Joyce.1997. Me and My Big Mouth: You Answer is Right Under Your Nose. Tulsa, Oklahoma: Harrison House.
3 Rainer, Thom. 1997. The Bridger Generation. America's Second Largest Generation. Nashville, Tennessee: Broadman and Holman Publishers.
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